Can a Young Person Still Have Faith in the Idea of a Stable, Happy Marriage?
According to DivorceMag.com, 46% of marriages in the US end in divorce. As young adults contemplate marriage, it shouldn’t have to carry with it the fear of divorce. With this trend in society, youth may want to consider discerning the qualities that constitute a good relationship, make decisions accordingly, and be aware of the elements in our culture eroding marriage so to not get caught up in the mental contagion of our environment.
The family being the backbone of the community at large, its very survival equates to society’s stability. When the family breaks down, other issues plague the community like lack of opportunities for young people, poverty, crime, and a spiral of psychological impacts on the present and future relationships of its offspring (fatherless homes account for 85% of youths in prison, well over 50% of teen mothers, 63% of youth suicides, 90% of homeless/runaway children, 85% of children with behavior problems, 71% of high school dropouts, according to DivorceMag.com).
Do we throw our hands up and give up or do we try harder as families, faith institutions and communities to devote ourselves to making healthier families. I don’t think we have a choice. Everyone plays a part in this. The media could balance their coverage of marriage by indicating not only how damaging marital problems are to everyone but where resources are available for those families having difficulty and include a view of families that work issues out successfully.
As families, we can put the family first. Selfishness has no place in a family. As the primary role model and influence over children, rededicating ourselves to being good, available parents and spouses and stop making excuses is a start. If what you are doing is hurting the family than stop it. Get help to stop it if you need help. The faith institutions and communities can help.
As individuals, we can support good decisions in relationships in the first place. Help young and sometimes older people to know how to chose a good relationship and marriage, to know what love, commitment, and the right person for themselves really means. Mary Baker Eddy, widowed early in her first marriage, abandoned by an unfaithful second husband and later experienced an endearing marriage, said, “Marriage is susceptible of many definitions. It sometimes presents the most wretched conditions of human existence. To be normal, it must be a union of the affections that tends to lift mortals higher.”
If we are going to walk in that direction, then we need to really take a hard look at ways in which we are acting in the complete opposite. According to The US Center for Disease Control and Prevention as reported earlier this year, one in four teenage American girls has a sexually transmitted disease. It doesn’t take another survey to know this startling statistic is not moving in the right direction as a culture toward healthy, future relationships for our youth. The bottom line is this statistic will grow if it continues to be ignored, and we as a community can’t afford for that to happen. Continue talking to young people not just about the mechanics of sex, but the emotional impact on their lives and relationships. Empower them to either look to the strength of their own resolve for making a better future for themselves with the help of their family and God or to no longer use the problems of their family as a crutch.
Within the community, there are many good families youth can embrace in their lives, coaches and teachers who care and make a difference, grandparents, aunts and uncles who are trying to give their love and support, religious institutions who can show the glorious relationship we all have with the Father-Mother-God who loves us and will meet our needs in many ways, directly and indirectly. I believe that God gives us four opportunities for experiencing His parenthood in our lives: One through our own parents, two through being wonderful parents ourselves someday, three through the many avenues fathering and mothering can be expressed by others or to others around us, and four, most importantly, by our direct, intimate relationship with our true and really only Parent, God. If one or two of the four experiences are missing from your life, God will provide abundantly in the other areas. If you are fixated on the one or two that appear to be missing in your life, you will miss what He is already, and desires to be, giving you. The Bible tells us, “God sets the lonely in families.”
Maybe as we rise to this challenge as a society, we will begin to see more closely knit families, more active communities, more responsible media, more trusting institutions; key ingredients to a society where its people enjoy the physical and mental freedom we all long for, deserve and rightfully have in life.
The answer to the question in the title of this article is, “Yes”. As a youth, it may not be prevalent around you, but you can cherish a better idea of marriage, prayerfully support it in your life, spend time to grow as an individual valuing your own attributes and goals, so you attract a person who recognizes them and can offer you the same, and God will support the rest.
Anne Cooling
I was thinking after writing this that it may be helpful, as a followup to the article, for readers whose marriages are successful, particularly over 20 years of marriage, to share what makes a good marriage.