There is a phrase that often gets kicked around, “Don’t judge me”. It is a reaction to the tremendous criticism that we hear as part of America’s daily diet of dialogue from the media to the schoolyards. Unfortunately, sometimes this stance of “don’t judge me” is associated with not using good judgment in making decisions in one’s life. It can be used as a permission slip to lazy thinking that slowly loses its ability to gain the wisdom necessary for life.
What is often attached to “don’t judge me” is this “anything goes” theory that doesn’t take into account behaviors that good critical thinking or even a good history lesson will show are not productive for individuals or societies. We all must practice using good judgment in our lives. In order to do this effectively, we need to start with the motive that we want to make good decisions for ourselves in the first place, not just whatever we want to do.
Criticizing is a one-sided, personal opinion and this is the opposite of critical thinking. The same reasoning applies to judging versus judgment. Critical thinking is the ability to analyze by looking at every side of a situation and discerning the best decision based on the information obtained from an open mind, experience and wisdom. Critical thinking means that your purpose and process of decision-making is to make good judgments. It is not necessarily based on a multitude of human opinions but based on the ability to know what knowledge is of value or good and what is not. The cultural, mass thinking of human opinions, which are strengthened by our access to the media, are not always steering us in the right direction of critical thinking or good judgment.
Using the phrase, “don’t judge me”, implies that you don’t judge others and yet, I don’t always see this as the case when I hear this phrase being used. If our perspective is judging others, what we see around us is based the criticism of our own thinking, and this is our experience. Secondly, we need to realize that this barrage of constant criticism closes thought, not opens it. It would cause us to make decisions based on fear of or rebellion against others’ thoughts instead of thinking rationally for ourselves. And most importantly, criticism causes us to concentrate our thought on what others are doing wrong and often exaggerate those supposed wrongs in order to avoid looking in the mirror at ourselves. When we judge others, they will also find something to judge about you and the problem of criticism gets bigger instead of being abated by love and compassion.
We have probably all heard the phrase from the Bible, “Judge not, and you will not be judged: condemn not, and you will not be condemned.” Another Bible translation interprets this passage this way, “Go easy on others; then they will do the same for you.” It is a simple reminder that we are what we think. It reminds us of another similar analogy of the Master Christian, “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.” If our perspective of others is based on mercy and love, we will experience this in our lives because this is what is in our thought and how we cope with the experiences around us. Our thought must also be based on the love and mercy of God; otherwise, we are loving to some and critical of others. This is not an easy task and yet it is a freeing one the more we practice it, plus we have the power and wisdom of divine Love enveloping our way of thinking. In the atmosphere of not judging others, we allow our thought to change and others to grow because we are not holding them to past mistakes or the present, natural maturing of character that all of us are always undergoing in our lives.
When judging others no longer bogs down our thinking and we view others with a level of compassion and patience, we can begin to feel this for ourselves. It is from this spiritual love, that we can begin to use better judgment and one that is not selfish or inferior in its premise or conclusion.
So, don’t judge me or anyone else, instead use good judgment in your thinking and have it be based on wisdom, productivity and rational thought. What a much better day we would all have.
Anne Cooling
Co-Sunday School Superintendent
First Church of Christ, Scientist, Laguna Niguel
