– The Golden Arches
Although Leprechauns are of direct Irish descent, reports continue to pour in of their sightings from all over the five continents: especially when neapolitan rainbows magically appear.
When Leprechauns are spotted, they’re all dressed and look pretty much alike. They’re 2 to 3 feet tall with tousled hair, pointed ears like Mr. Spocks, with mischievous eyes under shaggy eyebrows with matching ruby colored noses and cheeks all on a clean-shaven round face with little fingers that are dedicated mainly to the art of pinching.
Don’t dare mix up Leprechauns with bare-footed Hobbits! Otherwise, you’ll be in for 25 years of bad Irish luck.
Leprechauns are usually seen in gray or green colord coats, red trousers, studded leather aprons, brass buckle shoes topped off with a red or green wide brimmed hat. Just look at their mug shot on the brightly colored cereal boxes at your favorite Wal-Mart.
Their chosen trade is that of a cobbler/shoemaker. If you ever hear the distant sounds of a hammer it may be an industrious little fellow hammering out a pair of new shoes. They say an unsuspecting Leprechaun can be found with a hammer in one hand and a shoe in the other.
These petite pygmy sprites dwell in dusty farmhouses, wine cellars and other remote places where cobwebs and spiders assemble on wooden rafters.
For recreation, Leprechauns love to hide themselves behind trees, bushes, and hedgerows and play peek-a-boo with us mortals. Despite their physical stubbiness, they can move extraordinarily fast when necessary.
By nature, leprechauns are said to be ill mannered, impatient, naughty and mischievous with cunning/sneaky minds. They’re certainly not the originator of mistletoe; but they’re as attractive as cats are to catnip to us money hungry mortals.
They’re fond of a mug or two of a strong Irish homemade brew called “Poteen,” and can be found more times than naught in an insignificant intoxicated state with a long clay tobacco pipe that curls upwards in the palm of their tiny hands.
They’ve been known to procure their way out of tight situations with mortals and are alleged to carry two leather pouches tied to their belt. In one: a silver shilling, the other: a magical gold coin which usually turns into leaves or ashes once the Leprechaun has parted with it.
Leprechauns are self-appointed guardians of hidden ancient treasure troves as legend has it, by rouge Danish Viking Giants when they marauded through the Island of Ireland eons ago.
If caught with an over-sized butterfly net, Leprechauns are usually forced to reveal the whereabouts of their buried treasure. The captor(s) must always remain vigilant and keep an eye on the little rascals every nanosecond. In a blink of an eye, Leprechauns have a disappearing act reminiscent of the late but great Houdini.
The presence of rainbows alerts us mortals to the proximity of the leprechauns gold hordes. Rainbows cause Leprechauns great apprehension and anxiety for no matter how fast they move their stashes of gold they can never completely stay up with the air-borne rainbows.
Every year in March when I take my walks around the Soka University campus, I imagine what might be behind that tree, bush or hedgerow whenever I hear something rustling.
I’ve yet to spot a Leprechaun in live, living color.
However, whenever there is a light rain falling and the suns rays begin streaking through the clouds and a rainbow begins to arch its silent coloring for all to witness, I’ll peer through my binoculars to see where the heck the colorful bow has gently landed.
Unfortunately for me, my rub of Irish luck has yielded a Golden Arch selling Chicken McNuggets and a frosty-green Shamrock shake: … for a limited time only.
– Happy St. Patrick’s Day & Please, Don’t Drink & Drive – Steve Sayer
